A Moment of Silence

Early today four US Service Members lost their lives in Iraq. Let us remember their ultimate sacrifice by just having a moment of silence. . . . .

Thank you and God Bless all those who serve our Country.

After being in Iraq myself one would think I would have some profound words of wisdom in situations like these. I do not. I would want people to know that there is never anything profound to be said about death in war. "Why do I serve?" You ask. I serve because I choose to. I serve so that others can choose not to. I serve because my conscience and my heart direct me to. I serve to protect our freedom. I serve to protect our families and our way of life.

As a Combat Medic I have seen, smelled and even tasted death in its rawest form. It is not pretty. It effects you for the rest of your life. It changes you. The way you think. The way you live. The way you cope. I do not seek pity. I only want people to realize that I think differently. I may be thinking about where the next explosion is going to come from. Or who is next to be hit. All this while sitting and watching the on screen advertisements at the movies. I watch people more closely now. I profile those who appear to be Arabic. Though in the back of my mind some where deep I know that all is OK. I constantly look for ways out, devising a course of action in case the worst happens.

Even today years after the last roadside bomb went off for me, I still jump. My heart still races. I can still remember the feel of a lifeless body in my arms. The crying, the screaming, the stench of burnt flesh. Move on, move on there's nothing I can do for him. Who's next? No pulse. He's gone too. Determine who can be saved, who can't. Do my best on the worst. Move on to the next. I feel disbelief, anger, hatred. Hatred of the memories that will forever be a part of me.

All of this is now my life. I live with it. I deal with it. I speak to my counselor. I pray to God. I am healing. But for now the "noise" is there. The dreams, the fear, the awareness that something could happen. For me there I am still waiting.

Waiting for "A Moment of Silence"